Recruiting the Facebook Generation via Tweethole

toddmaffin: Does anyone have any cellphones they want to send me for free? I lost my iPhone and fucking #shitty #Fido wants me to pay $900

As of this writing Tod Maffin has 5,366 “followers” on Twitter. This is 5,366 people in the world who want to read what he writes, whenever he writes it. Twitter users will recognize this number as a healthy one.

People who work in Canadian TV, where even a crappy show can expect 200,000 Canadians in a single sitting, will recognize this as a lot of hype about “Not So Much.”

Regardless, Futurologists agree that in the future no one will watch TV, so what can we learn from the denizens of the tweethole about how to do this thing?

todmaffin: Off to Toronto for some CBC planning meetings. Anyone know where I can buy a new iPhone close to there?

This is the way it’s done: vague “planning meeting” referenced with no chance of anyone disproving same, hot new iPhone mentioned, and purchasing of the same. This tweeter is wired, important, moneyed, and classy.

teamakers: Off to Tillsonburg for some tobacco-picking. Anyone know where I can buy a new nosehair tweezer there?

This tweeter has a lot to learn.

ghost

Before you give up in frustration, you might consider having him write your own tweets. Or blog. Or anything thoughtful or industry-specific. Just ask!

todmaffin: What's a fair rate for blogwriting? I've a client who needs a ghostblogger. Thoughtful industry-specific posts, maybe 2–3 posts a week

Not everyone agrees with this technique however. Phil Menger has ethical and perhaps legal (!) issues with these practices, but sets them aside for $15.

vijayaselvaraju: @teamakers MuchMusic wants a social-media expert ot be their next VJ. Do you think I have what it takes?

But some people will get it, and seek you out, and even offer you a job. Are these people at MuchMusic crazy? Do they even read this Web site?

By the way, happy birthday, Much!

teacraftecm: Use bad language and I block you. RT #teamakers OH from Hubert: Go F**k Yourself

Your problem might be in your branding. The @teamakers twitter account attracts legions of tea drinkers and tea marketers like @teacraftecm who are expecting some tea-making related tweets. They don’t take too kindly to anything else. Blocked!

teamakers: Face it, chamomille tea tastes like piss. It’s gotta be straight outta Darjeeling or get tha fuck outta here

Best to weed these tea nerds out quickly, and early, using the most direct methods available.

Screenshot of teamakers Twitter account

But who can blame them? My profile page reveals little. The link to my Web site is broken. The location makes no sense. There is no bio. There’s no zing or oomph or sex.

Screenshot of teamakers Flickr account with TodMaffin.com branding on left side

Much better.

10 comments:

  1. Kev
    Posted September 4, 2009 at 10:55 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I’m obviously too old to know anything about new media practices, but hotlinking to somebody else’s image was generally considered a breach of netiquette, though that was mostly for bandwidth reasons which probably doesn’t apply here.

    Even without that, it does seem kind of petty and bullyish. Raise your sights, there’s ire-worthy stuff going on that you’re missing.

    • Fake Ouimetjoined April 10, 2009
      Posted September 4, 2009 at 12:51 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      I expect it was probably just saved and reuploaded, not linked to.

      • Fake HAL 9000
        Posted September 4, 2009 at 2:00 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

        Points taken, fellas. Next time I’ll just tell him to go fuck himself.

  2. The Tweet Makersjoined July 8, 2009
    Posted September 3, 2009 at 12:26 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I’m not removing any name, likeness, or logo from anything.

    Also, if @toddmaffin is reading this, please contact me at tweet.makers@gmail.com

    • Fake HAL 9000
      Posted September 4, 2009 at 9:40 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      Tod, putting your contact details and other info into a background image followed by bellyaching about someone linking to that background image showcases your limited knowledge of new media practices. Or that mixing ‘medicinal’ pot with anti-psychotics is a lousy idea, but that’s just speculation.

      Tweetmakers, you should send Tod an invoice for all the free promotion you’re giving him!

  3. Facts
    Posted September 2, 2009 at 12:59 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    The reality Tod is that the Tea Makers is the only site that calls it like it is with regard to some of the fraudulent activity that occurs within the Canadian mediasphere, which these days takes you far down the tweet hole…

  4. z
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 1:36 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Aww, now Tod. Nobody likes to kick you around. Kicking people while they’re down just isn’t nice. And the good people here at Teamakers are nice people…they just want to twist your knickers a bit.

    And of course we all know that “Todd Maffin” account is fake! Nobody expects that it’s actually you. You just couldn’t possibly be that entertaining.

  5. Tod
    Posted August 31, 2009 at 1:14 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I know you guys have fun kicking me around, and most of the time it’s even clever…

    But I’d appreciate it if you remove my likeness, name, and logo from your Twitter page.

    Also, you know very well that the “toddmaffin” Twitter account is fake. Obviously somebody could confuse it for being something I actually wrote. I do not post under “toddmaffin” — only at http://twitter.com/todmaffin

    Thanks!

    t

    • Fake Ouimetjoined April 10, 2009
      Posted August 31, 2009 at 1:46 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      Well, you can either hit us for trademark dilution or well just wait for Tony Clement to push through a parody defence under fair dealing.

      Or well just have a quiet little laugh at your request.

    • Fake Todd Maffin
      Posted August 31, 2009 at 5:24 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      Tod, we’d appreciate it if you removed your name, likeness, and any legacies connected to projects you have worked on from the CBC milieu.


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