Patrice’s Mailbag v0.1

Infomatrix with Patrice Nortel

Like my grandma always say, “Partrice, ton inbox. c’est plein de fan-mail!”

And was she ever right. Some real ‘gems’  (pard0n tha #punzz) have landed in my toujours uber.hyp3r.stuffd inBox. Kud0s to CBCer’s from coast to coast for the insites, insights and inside dizz-0pe. Here are just a c0uple ov recent x-missions!

Sicko Toront-oid Pollutes Arctic Printer

Hi Patrice,

I just wanted hedz-up you that you guys are going to see some tickets coming in from us soon.

Ever since they published that ‘how-to-print to any printer’ thing on the Official CBC Blog, some cretin from Toronto keeps sending print jobs up here as some kind of sick joke. Really twisted stuff that I don’t even want to describe via e-mail. And publicity shots of Louis Del Grande, which was kind of funny the first 46 times times it happened.

Well, gotta go load up the Pitney-Bowes LaserStar 8500 with another ream before more of these hipster antics trip the out-of-paper siren. You could write a Great Eastern sketch about some of the over-engineered gadgets they custom-built for us up here.

All the best,
Conrad X
Iqaluit

Siren

One of CBC North's Infamous 188 decibel paper sirens

Chère Comrade Conrad,

This kind of Sèan Cullen style tomf00lery might fly south of 60, but it’s just like being jabbed with a huge narwhal horn when that out ov papR alarm gets tripped. They really did over-build a lot of stuff up there, eh? A thr0wback to a more rugged, robustly funded and, let’s face it, dweeb-centric CBC. I’ll start cooking up s0me gee-0h fenced algo-riddims right now to bl0ck that cr33p!
And to whoever is sending those sketchy print jobs, you need a looser f1tting pair ov skinny jeans, ‘cos all ur pants are cut off tha circulation 2 ur brain!

Patrice inspires a youngster dying of boredom

Haxx0r youR northStar like the c0mmand center it was designed 2 be!

Haxx0r youR northStar like the c0mmand center it was designed 2 be!

[This waz sent via Groupwise on Bring Our Kids to Work Day, from inside the TBC. Name withheled to protect the kid and his Mother]
yo PatRice – got any good HAxx 4 northStar MEridian voiceMail? you got tha hookupz guy?!?! – ur pal, markUpKid

Actually, it’s great to see a junior CBCer get into the systemz around here! It reminds me of my own internship in the old Maison des Micro-Ondes location in Sherbrooke, where I cleaned headsets and learned how to make magic with tha wireZ and gutZ and shared dryveZ and in-house APpZ ov tha infoMAtrix{}!

Check out this .txt f1le of how to call y0r NorthStar phone using a Studer a80 tape machine, a slide projector, and some old wordPerfect codes. The x-Pansion paCK v2.134 triggers TBC mailbot Rasputin into conferencing thru 2 Denise Donlon’s local #X-tenShun, then using the House of Commons Translation service to publish a transcript via WebWriter! thaT should keep you busy until lunch or 3Ven l8r!

A schematic is aTTached, too. ur Mom might need it for tha d1sc1pl1nary hearing!

!– #C0NT3NT Kon-TEst ALERT — ASCII WARZ! –!
I think that this is the first contest 3ver on TeaMakerz! U can WIN a free lrg bag ov Hickory Sticks, just by sending in the coolest CBC-related ASCII art!

Send your ASCII creationZ (maxfile 1MB)
to:

patrice.nortel [ at ] gmail.com
Well, that’s it for now, infoDude(tte)s. You can allwaYz ch3ck m3 in tha info-TunnelZ!

4 comments:

  1. Patrice Norteljoined May 8, 2009
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 11:19 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Sorry!

    Is this contest too hard?

    I’ll release a n3w e-z33-er contest s00n!

    #– < !– PN OUT! — ?>

  2. pica550
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 11:16 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Sorry, man.

    It was supposed to be this pic of Richard Stursberg

    http://www.cbc.ca/whatodds/Richard%20Stursberg%20CBC%20VP.jpg

    This contest is too hard!

    Patrice, is it possible to spell the word LAME on an upside-down calculator?

  3. pica550
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 11:14 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    converted from:

  4. pica550
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 11:13 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

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