Flagrant abuses of the culinary arts

DAY 47

It was a quiet day on the inside. The air conditioning was a little colder than usual. But I like it like that. Keeps me alert. Helps me remember. That we are going to win. Win. Without a doubt.

You see, they think they can outlast all of us. In here. But they are wrong. Dead wrong. Wrong, I tell you. Unless they agree with me. In that case, they are right. Dead right.

Because right about now they’re running pretty scared. I don’t blame them. Look at what turned up on the line:


That’s right. A clear violation of the CBC’s legally-held copyright and a shameless transgression against CBC/Radio-Canada’s Branding Policy. Delicious. And there’s more where this came from. Cupcakes. Muffins. Gingerbread. Rice Krispies. Some of them have been known to defile watermelons. They get off on this kind of thing. Makes them feel big.

Shows you how much respect these renegade Betty Crockers have for Public Broadcasting. And Razorfish.

They think it’s a lockout, see. But it’s been kicked up a notch. Now it’s a lickout, pure and simple.

They think that by turning up the heat on their ovens, they’re going to bake us out. But I got some heat of my own. Nothing else to do but call for a public inquiry. Get them to open up those cookbooks. See what other logos they’ve violated. Put the kibosh on all that rising dough.

I can hardly wait.

48 comments:

  1. Anonymous
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 2:21 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

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  2. Ouimet
    Posted October 2, 2005 at 1:55 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    “I still think you should use your sense of humour against the people who are really responsible for this mess.”

    You are probably right. Point taken.

    But this was never meant to be an attack against the Drone or even cake-making. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun.

  3. ------
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 7:55 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I meant that Fontana should lock Ouimet and Drone in a room to come up with a settlement….I think these folks would come up with something faster than Smith & co.

  4. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 4:47 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Imitation is the sincerest form
    of flattery.

    A manager with no ideas of her own
    steals from a worker. Gee where we have seen that before. Oh
    right from the over-rated, underwhelming twinkies who get management type jobs for being good at brownosing. Ouimet might be clever, but that’s a far cry
    from compassion, courage and creativity.

    Drone Rocks.

    Ouimet sucks.

    If Drone and Ouimet were locked in
    a room Ouimet would be lucky to come out alive. And yes, I’ll cheer anytime a manager is carried
    out of this place – especially if they lack the courage to take a moral stand and walk out themselves.

  5. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 3:37 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Wristshooter: I’m embarassed to admit I spend way too much time reading these damn things. That post just sounded familiar and a little too far out to be anyone’s real thoughts. So I decided to confirm my suspicions and go back and find the original post. I really do have nothing better to do. It’s sad really.

    I do however enjoy reading Drone much more than Ouimet. At least with Drone you know where you stand and there’s no doubt as to his or her intentions. As for Ouimet – doubts all ’round. I have no clue what she or he is selling, but I’m keeping a close eye on my wallet.

  6. Aigle De Nuit
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 11:06 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Okay…this one just grows on you the more you read it.

    Then again, it could just be blue fuzzy-mould.

    Hit and run.

  7. WristShooter
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 10:29 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Well, Ha Ha!

    You sure scored one through the five-hole on me there. I’ve followed this blog from the start, but this was an inside joke to me. You’re right, Anonymous, (are you Ha Ha’s friend or do you know all these posts by heart?)Ouimet is no Drone. In any sense of the word.

  8. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 9:58 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I feel I should point out that the “Ha Ha” post is not to be taken seriously. It’s a take on an earlier Tea Makers post entitled “Lockdown” from August 22nd. Not too bad a take either – perhaps not as accessible as the Drone parody, but then Ouimet hasn’t cultivated a specificity of style that’s as easily recognizable as our good friend Drone. I know it’s tough in such a personal fight, but can we try and keep a sense of humour here? Laughter is my best coping mechanism and I’m not giving it up over some nefarious and ill-conceived management game of chicken.

  9. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 9:56 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Yes.

    We actually get to cover News. Not entertainment dressed up as news. Not community events dressed up as news. For that we stay in the abusive relationship.

  10. Loyalist
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 9:50 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ouimet:

    Your blog confirms how fortunate I was that journalism school killed my desire to be a journalist.

    I couldn’t imagine being associated with the sorry lot on either side of the lockout.

    I have never seen an organization with such a self-righteous belief in its own indispensibility as the one true voice of the Canadian people and guardian of the Canadian identity.

    I also cannot understand why well-educated, intelligent people would let themselves be strung along for years on end with promises of permanent employment that are never fulfilled.

    Is working for the CBC so important to these people’s sense of self that they would prefer to endure such abuse rather than pursue other opportunities?

  11. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 9:07 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Parliament (Sam Bulte)has up’ed the Anti again this week and not only asking for Treasury Board salaries sent bi-weekly to Bobby but also programming budgets- up past $120 Million. Hope Bobby has the money to pay your bonuses…..hint hint: you haven’t received anything yet in bonuses have you ?… did they say you had to wait…..doesn’t look good (don’t worry you will probably be offered Time Off in Lieu instead of cash not available – oh yeah Bulte now wants ALL 4 Amigos to appear right after Fontana finishes with George (and Bobby who has left the building – What a mistake that was – AGAIN !)

  12. WristShooter
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 8:38 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    To HA HA:

    I don’t really understand your point — maybe you should lower the sarcasm quotient. Whatever it is, you get no sympathy from me (or others outside, I suspect). There IS something called free will, and COLLECTIVELY, it is possible to exercise it with relatively little harm to oneself. There is a risk, of course. But there was a risk for Paul Workman when he made his decision. And there is the risk for you — if you care — of getting little respect when we return. Find those FUCKING KEYS and use them, or enjoy Jack Astor’s parties and Elton John. But don’t complain.

  13. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 8:32 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    You may think the Drone is being bullied, but you just called him/her an old fat blind lady in a wheelchair! do you think the Drone is flattered by the analagy?? I’m locked out and broke but this is still funny.

  14. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 7:58 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I guess some people picture management in this building to be currently surrounded by maxed out gold cards and lining our birdcages with bad press clippings.

    But the truth, of course, is much different. I’m not going to candycoat it. Everyone here is making a shitload of money.

    Not once have I heard a single derogatory thing about this lockout. Not once. Not even a mutter. Speaking up means not being included at the Jack Astors parties. And I just love Elton John.

    Some of us came up from the bottom – we were casuals and tea makers for years before becoming managers. We stepped on our co-workers and climbed to the top.

    Others never did anything and still got promoted. They learn fast.

    But remember that the average manager was never given any choice in this. We have no free will. If we don’t work, we will be fired or promoted a number of times to everyones amazement. Simple as that.

    I am sleeping in here. And I am eating all my catered meals in here too. I have never eaten better. I have given up on makeup. Too bad all the makeup artists are locked out. I have not been outside in the sun for what seems like a long time. Its tough when your head is up your ass.

    You guys may be locked out, but I’ve lost the fucking keys.

    HA HA

  15. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 7:56 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Yeah, it’s just cake and you can laugh at it but maybe you should be worried about what’s being baked inside those cakes. It’s still fermenting and eventually, you’ll be the ones having to deal with it when it enters the building.

  16. Anonymous
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 7:52 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ouimet,

    I’m the guy who warned you about not being a blog bully. We can all lighten up, and the fact that we’re enjoying “lickouts”, concerts and spoon-benders should tell you that we do have a sense of humour. And I did chuckle a bit reading this. But it’s not about that. It’s about your target for mocking. It IS possible to laugh at an old, fat, blind lady in a wheelchair and get a laugh. There are comedians who’ve done that — Andrew Dice Clay comes to mind. Is that who you are? You can now make whatever funny analogies (from this image to the Drone), but I still think you should use your sense of humour against the people who are really responsible for this mess. It’s not as if THEY don’t give you enough material to work with…

  17. Ouimet
    Posted October 1, 2005 at 7:23 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Come on, some of you – lighten up a bit. It’s a joke! I mean, ‘lickout?’ That’s pretty good, admit it.

    I’m sure the Drone himself got a smile out of it.

  18. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 11:12 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    okay dammit. This post was perhaps the most cynical–man spirited thing I’ve seen. But. But it was really funny. Holy smokes if we can’t laught at this stuff then we are sunk. Sunk.

  19. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 9:12 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Jealousy pure and simple. We are bonding and enjoying the company of our fellow workers out on the line. The people inside are jealous – they will never, ever have what we have outside.

  20. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 9:05 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ouimet Ouimet Ouimet
    it’s easy to poke fun from your ivory tower while you are still collecting a paycheque isn’t it?
    your attempt at satire is very ill timed, this weeks bake sale was
    an event that showcased how creative and innovative our members are,it helped bond us together as a collective group itkeeps our spirits up and our minds free from thinking about the reality of our shitty situations…
    i think we should be commended
    for keeping our sense of humour
    while we are still counting the days 47,48,49,50…..
    you on the other hand are sad and
    disappointing

  21. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 9:03 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    While we ate the baked goods, Ouimet has been drinking the Jim Jone’s Kool-Aid.

  22. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 8:24 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    ouimet,
    did u get a bonus last year?
    above and beyond yer salary- did you get a lil sumthin-sumthin added onto your salary?

  23. ------
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 7:56 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Fontana should lock the Drone and Ouimet in a room for a week…

  24. Cin
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 6:32 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I love the Drone, but this was the funniest thing I’ve read in ages. I laughed so hard I almost cried.

    I especially loved the William Shatner reference in the comments.

    I’m going to be giggling about this the rest of the night.

  25. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 6:08 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Main difference between Ouimet and Drone:
    Ouimet has a CBC paycheque
    Drone has no CBC paycheque

    cut the drone some slack Ouimet–
    sarcasm is easy when you make 80,000 a year and can maintain your personal blog on company time

    And rock on Anton!!! Your a big part of the reason CMG is doing well

  26. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 5:29 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    What a nice gig you have. Writing and/or posting biting satire at 11:30 in the morning? On the company dime? On my fucking dime? Yeah, I’m a taxpayer. And a locked out worker. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    The only reason she wrote her “satire,” dear reader, is because Droner took the piss out of her earlier.

    Yeah, the Drone is passionate. He’s been locked out of his job. He’s got a right to feel and write anything he wants.

    And at least he actually feels something. You’ve had seven weeks to mention something/anything about programming and not a word. Nothing.

    Like I said, you should be ashamed of the public money you are wasting.

  27. ------
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 5:04 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Yes, this is the coolest lockout ever. Glad the CWA is proud. Loved the sticky treats, but had a belly ache after. Maybe we could do something with ornamental gourds next. Or pumpkins. Or have bouffant hair day. Or “come as your favorite senior manager” day.

  28. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 3:30 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I didn’t even realize it was a Drone parody till I got to the comments – shows where my mind is at. But I did laugh…and at this stage I needed it.

  29. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 3:27 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I Love Drone.

    His comments are much more entertaining then this poor attempt at humour.

    Perhaps Ouimet has hit on something here.

    Did any one think that maybe Drone is just having a bit of fun?

    Drone On.

  30. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 3:23 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    As someone who watches the rantings of mother corp…these in particular are fringing on somewhat insane. Maybe the air in that building is getting thick with methane….

  31. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:52 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ouch! I was hoping for a week eight talent contest and sewing competition. If we are shooting for an injunction, lets get one for singing out of key. Solidarityyyyy….

  32. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:51 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I like it. Good Drone knock off.

  33. Anton
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:45 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    CWA the Communications Workers of America is quite proud of us. In fact they’re studying us. They plugged in extra cash for the web streaming, and other stuff.

    It’s week 7. By now you’d hear the knives sharpening as division splits the picketers. Toronto has concerts, bake competitions, costume days, more concerts, the sloppiest picket lines in Canada, and the highest morale, of any union in Toronto.

    Lots of unions are trying to figure out how we’re doing it, without having the traditional hard lines, and militancy.

    We are a rare example of a white collar picket line, and we’re making up our own rules as we go.

    I think we’re doing fine.

    Although putting up a hard picket line across Parliment was fun. Maybe we should try it in Toronto. A close down the building day. At the worst, we’d be slapped with an injunction, and have to spend the rest of the lockout having concerts, bake competitions, and barbeques in Simcoe Park.

  34. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:45 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    If you really want to and have a bit of talent, you can spoof anything, Ouimet. The only thing is — and you’ll never understand this no matter how sympathetic you might be to our collective cause –the Drone is outside and you’re inside. Yes, he/she’s melodramatic and over the top at times, but he/she is NOT getting paid — you ARE — and, whatever you think about the issues, he/she’s on the right side of this insanity. He/she is also a wonderful writer, and it’s not his/her job to appeal to your taste, pride or understanding of what this conflict is all about. The Drone is a blogger, for Christ’s sake!

    Why don’t you pick a better, more challenging target for your satire. Don’t be a blog bully!

  35. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:37 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Just putting the last lick of paint on our guillotine…

  36. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:31 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I wonder why nobody takes this union seriously. Baking contests, costume days – the labour movement must be proud.

  37. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:29 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    That’s all well and good, folks, but this picketer is sick of it all. The day after the bake sale was the worst yet. Never felt so blue. (And the Drone’s camera caught that as I sat in that dejected pose, reading the reax to that lame offer). I am so bloody tired of all the blah blah blah and walk walk walk. I’m also PMS-ing. It’s starting to feel like we’ll never get back into Ouimet’s building. Starting to think I don’t want to, either. They don’t give a flying f**k about us, freezing our asses off. I’m sure they watched us at that bake sale, laughing maniacally and saying, “Let them eat cake.” Pricks.

  38. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:25 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Me.Too.Stopped reading the Drone. Tedious.
    Brought me down.Every time. I’d rather laugh. Than weep.

  39. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 2:06 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Glad to see you’ve kept your sense of humour. I’m also relieved to discover I’ve kept mine.

  40. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 1:12 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    On most strike lines they are usually chucking rocks through windows by week seven. We had a bake off and were entertained by a magician. You’ve gotta love the workers at the CBC. Peace!

  41. Justin Beach
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 1:03 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    With the ‘black out’ (not to mention everyone being locked away in Hull) it’s getting harder to find things to write about, isn’t it?

  42. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 1:02 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Haha love the Drone parody.. I know he’s pissed off but man, I’m sick of that guy.

  43. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 12:49 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    HA! Nice and subtle. Comedy gold.

  44. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 12:43 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ouimet’s gone Drone-speak. Is that you Drone? Or is it Bill Shatner? Got to. Make it. Past the Romulans. Got to…

  45. Nonamuss
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 12:34 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Don’t worry about Ouimie. She’s just sampled a little too much from the winning entries in the locked-in bake-off: 3rd prize: Brownnose Brownies. 2nd prize: Full o’ Hot Air Souffle 1st prize: Stick-a-Fork-in-me-I’m-Done Weasel Pie (anonymous entrant from Montreal)

  46. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 12:25 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Open a window.oh… forgot where you were!But ya; I think your losing it! Did they put something in that resirculated air? Hope you have the week-end off to get some fresh air and clear your head.

  47. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 12:21 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Your writing’s getting as bad as CBC Drone’s.

  48. Anonymous
    Posted September 30, 2005 at 11:36 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    What ARE you Smokin’, Dude?


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