New CBC Anchor To Replace Diana Swain

(July 14, 2010 EhNews) Responding to major changes announced for news anchors at both CTV and Global, the CBC quickly pushed aside Diana Swain to grab the headlines away from its competitors.
The Corporation chose to boldly hire the first person they saw walking down Front Street.
“They think that hiring a woman to be a news anchor is something different. We’ll show them different” said Richard Stursberg, Executive Vice President of Important Decisions.
When asked if this was part of a continuing trend of hiring simple, uneducated people as begun with George Stroumboulopoulos, Strusberg dismissed the idea, saying, “I frankly don’t care about this local content nonsense part of the CBC. The kind of people who watch our programs are already pathetic, and even worse are the profits.”
The announcement comes the same week that the CBC cancelled further production of their new game show “So You Wanna Be A News Anchor”, citing reports that even the production crew were falling asleep.

where will the Peter Mansbridges and Pamela Wallins of tomorrow come from?

3 comments:

  1. poopy mailbox
    Posted July 21, 2010 at 10:17 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Hey she’s f@*kin’ HOT!

  2. Insider
    Posted July 16, 2010 at 1:51 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Date: July 13, 2010
    Location: Front St., Toronto
    Source: Wiretap
    Subject: Senior level decision making at the CBC

    Transcript:
    RS: “About Swain.”
    KS: “What about her?”
    RS: “Well, she’s white.”
    KS: “Though female.”
    RS: “But not handicapped.”
    KS: “Remember Beijing 2008?”
    RS: “Ouch!”
    KS: “There you go.”
    RS: “But then there is Reshmi Nair.”
    KS: “True.”
    RS: “Better make a note to get her some contact lenses. We’re getting flak about the annoying squinting at the teleprompter.”
    KS: “Done.”
    RS: “Back to Swain.”
    KS: “Yes.”
    RS: “I got it!”
    KS: “What?”
    RS: “Senior Investigative Correspondent.”
    KS: “Senior Investigative Correspondent? But why…eh, how…”
    RS: “Think 60 Minutes.”
    KS: “60 Minutes?”
    RS: “Lesley Stahl.”
    KS: “Lesley Stahl? But…”
    RS: “They both have short hair.”
    KS: “Brilliant!”
    RS: “I thought so.”
    KS: “What about Carole McNeil?”
    RS: “Hang on…let me get out of the bedroom.”

  3. Duck Boy
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 10:33 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Did the Corp offer this to Diana so she didn’t jump to Global.

    Jungle drums had her and Wendy Mesley auditioning to replace Kevin.No chance Arnie will get the job. Not the right look.


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