That’s Pröféssör Fake Ouimet, to you

Fake Ouimet is turned down for a job teaching journalism at Ryerson, presumably for “not going to the right parties,” despite being able to “do the job better than anybody in town.”
Also, children love him.


  1. Posted April 21, 2018 at 6:20 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Did you see that I’ve become a fullon nazi now, by the way? My compulsive provincial fascination with (((ethnicity))) has reached its zenith. I’m not some hayseed rube from the Maritimes, I’m a paid-up, 21st-century hater!

  2. Posted September 9, 2017 at 7:12 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I have the great pleasure to report that absolute twatwaffle Joe Clark has once more been given the bum’s rush from an event he was supposed to speak at, reportedly due to the kind of behaviour we all grew so familiar with around here. Friend, won’t you ever learn?

  3. Posted May 1, 2017 at 12:20 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I see unbelievable bastard Joe Clark is up to his old tricks again. Here we are almost a decade down the road and he hasn’t learned a single thing. He appears to be on some holy mission to make himself the Most Hated Man In Canada, and by gum he’s succeeding.

  4. Blistering Barnacles
    Posted December 5, 2009 at 1:29 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Well good luck to you Joe, and good luck to Ouimet. For God’s sake, all, life is too short.


  5. Posted December 1, 2009 at 12:36 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    To answer the various questions above, not that you actually wanted answers: I wrote my RyeHigh J-school posting because I default to publication of all my work once its done. Im an inch away from publishing all the details of my dealings with publishers and agents, for example. (I already publish some of the latter.) I wear my Gore-Tex hats only in inclement weather, otherwise a toque.

    Ive lived here longer than 19 years and, contrary to the insinuation, I have not run myself out of town.

    Now, then. What seems to be the problem here? I have severed my ties with the Tea Makers. I dont even have a login anymore. There was a great schism put into place by Alphonse Ouimet, but I have pretty much forgiven him for it. We owe each other an apology, something were much too stubborn to actually deliver.

    I dont have anything to do with the CBC, Inside the CBC, Strombo, Jian Ghomeshi, Radio 3, or the Tea Makers. Picking on me is like picking on Raymi the Minx or Sharkboy or somebody else in town with an online presence.

    I continue to insist that it was Alphonse Ouimets intention all along that personal attacks be permitted on the Tea Makers. It is no coincidence that the great schism occurred after I began to seriously cull that herd. I went in and cleaned up the most egregious archives and comments. I really enforced a no-attacks policy, up to and including deleting a comment that was legally defamatory. A lot of people who were picked on before ceased to be picked on under my watch, a fact they themselves didnt even notice in some cases (like Denis McGrath, who somehow failed to note we suddenly used only one nickname for him, his true initials).

    I didnt control what other people wrote and didnt interfere even when they pushed it right to the line (as in a DMcG posting), but I did try to clean house. Plus I wrote a great deal of content, not all of it critical and none of it shite.

    Aaand thats all in the past. I am now just a civilian. I am hors de combat. Mmkay?

    So I dont know why youre all so hateful and angry, unless its your natures, which I suspect may be true. Im actually doing pretty well here, despite last weeks flu. I have an interesting contract, I had a good meeting with a publisher, Im being courted by an agent who understands me better than I understand myself. Ive had someone come out of the woodwork and actually endorse my RyeHigh J-school business.

    Of course I have haters, but I also have defenders. To paraphrase Katt Williams, haters is just doing what they gotta do. It really hurts and it is hugely disruptive and upsetting when you use the distance of blog comments to launch attacks, but while were waiting for you to grow up and show some compassion for your fellow man, why not take up my standing offer and drop by for a cup of organic fair-trade tea? If youve got that much to complain about, bring your mountain to Mohammed.

    Otherwise, I have nothing to do with you and I dont see why you need anything to do with me. I look back on the Tea Makers with equanimity and affection, in truth.

    • Joseph Clarke
      Posted December 5, 2009 at 12:32 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      I know that he’s really interested in journalistic standards. So just to not quite let this thing die, everyone needs to remember a couple of things. Like how he threatened to ‘out’ Ouimet on his own blog, then removed the post.

      Poor Joe, indeed. Doomed to the humorless [sic] irony of being a degree of separation from the exact ‘shit-in-the-pool’ bully he rails against.

      No sympathy for this washed up fop.

      • Anonymous
        Posted December 6, 2009 at 10:14 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

        Wow, he did that?

        If that’s true, Fake Ouimet, I know you’re reading this – not cool. Not cool at all.

  6. Pinky
    Posted November 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Live like a prick, die when pricked.

  7. Anonymous
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 9:51 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I see a strong similarity here with a post on the Fawny blog, with the positions reversed:

    One major difference is that Joe’s post on Michael Surtees was quite personal and quite frankly stank of petty jealousy. This little link here did no more than quote Joe’s own blog.

    There were no personal attacks here, Joe. You’re simply being schooled. Try to learn something.

  8. Anonymous
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 8:00 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    >>Ive been leaving you people, who havent actually met me, alone.

    Remind us agin — what was the turnout for your Teamakeers meetup, Joe?

  9. Posted November 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Under my watch, personal attacks were deleted. It has become apparent that the only purpose of this site in the postFake Ouimet era is to publish personal attacks. Perhaps they are justified, or could be described as other than personal, when the topic is bona fide celebrities like Jian Ghomeshi and Strombo, but I am not a bona fide celebrity.

    And I dont post to this site anymore. I exist in its past. Ive been leaving you people, who havent actually met me, alone.

    The About page of this site, which apparently requires updating, claims that posts that really bother somebody will be removed. This post really bothers me and should be removed.

    • Allan
      Posted November 28, 2009 at 9:07 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      But you are a celebrity, joe.
      You broadly hinted as much with a picture of yourself in front of a Little Mosque poster.
      This item is a reaction to your own public posting, which is now missing in action.
      Are we not free to comment about a news story already on the web? Or at least be allowed to ask why is there a URL – – that leads nowhere?

    • Bargain Cookie
      Posted November 29, 2009 at 4:21 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      Under your watch.

      Under your watch you nearly took this site down.

      Under your watch you took down all your posts.

      Under your watch, this site sucked.

      Now stay away, please.

      This site is no longer under your watch.

  10. Anonymous
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 2:58 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Actualky I don’t get it. Is he trying to publicly shame RyeHigh into hiring him?

    On what basis? Looking at his website, he doesn’t seem to have published much this century. And he has no web journalism experience. And no teaching credentials. Or journalism credentials. So why should they hire him? Because he’s been using the internet for a long time? I’ve been driving for much longer, but it wouldn’t be easy for me to teach driving. Like I said, I don’t get it.

    Ironically, his most relevant experience might be writing for teammakers. Hopefully he put that on his resume.

  11. Anonymous Anonymous
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 2:24 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    That was a great post by Joe. I totally agree with him, if he were teaching at RyeHigh there’d be some good critical discourse and original journalism coming from the students. For real. Also like how the teamakers is a kind of extended comments section. We’ll do that if people don’t let us talk. Maybe the same will have to happen for a mondoville post?

  12. Orgenizing yor marvelos paychecks
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 9:32 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Joe, do you wear that stupid fucking hat when you go out to bomb these interviews?

  13. Fake Bernard Lord
    Posted November 28, 2009 at 8:50 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    >>Hows New York treating you, Alphonse?

    From all accounts, like the socially well-adjusted, hard working, intutive, empathetic genius we all know her to be.

    How’s Toronto treating you, Joe? Still can’t shake that self-righteous maritimer hubris by the sounds of it. Maybe 19 more years on the internet will fix that. Perhaps your army of standardistas can develop a drunk-dad filter for you by then.

    In the meantime, welcome comment-starved Fawny refugees!

  14. Posted November 28, 2009 at 8:19 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Another personal attack from the hands of Alphonse Ouimet, or enabled by same. I was not turned down; I was ignored. The department secretary has since apologized for that. So I gather I had a cause to complain after all.

    Hows New York treating you, Alphonse?

    • Allan
      Posted November 28, 2009 at 9:30 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

      It wasn’t so long ago that you were shown a lot of support from this site, joe.
      You’ve had worse things said about you here, so go easy on the vengeance, and leave at least one tiny shred of behaviour for which we can respect you.

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