Ivan Fecan, let’s make a deal!


However, Fecan said CTV has offered to sell several of its money-losing stations for a nominal fee of $1. It’s had no takers.
“That speaks volumes,” he said.

Dear Ivan Fecan

It has always been a dream of mine to be a broadcast mogul, and it seems I am finally in a position to realize that dream.

I recently discovered several loonies that I had been using to prop up and balance a wobbly bedside table, but it was only holding books and an alarm clock radio which doubles as a charger for my iPhone, and will gladly forgo one of them in return for the chance to build an empire and show the CBC how broadcasting can be done in the 21st century.

Mr. Fecan, would you please contact my representative at alphonse.ouimet@gmail.com so that we may begin the process of transferring ownership of the stations you have made reference to in your kind offer above.

Sincerely
Allan

PS I assume there are no strings attached to your offer as you strike me as a serious and responsible individual who would never say anything that he didn’t mean and is not playing tricks to fool anyone.

8 comments:

  1. Kev
    Posted April 29, 2009 at 11:03 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    “Did you know you can pretty much milk anything that has nipples?”

    Oh man, if we keep leaking the new business plans they’re going to stop telling us *anything*.

  2. Anonymous
    Posted April 29, 2009 at 9:03 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    If you get Global for a red paperclip, I will offer you a nice blue pen and a used Pontiac, if you want to trade up! I think I can then trade Global for a used breast pump and scooter which will be better on gas than the Pontiac. I’ll be able to get around traffic quicker allowing for extra time with the breast pump. Did you know you can pretty much milk anything that has nipples?

  3. Vigilante
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 1:26 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I beg your pardon, I’ve made a serious faux pas…

    I meant to say “Do you know any single guys who like Vegas OR any single girls who do windows?”.

    There. Fixed. Carry on.

  4. Vigilante
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 11:42 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Have I formed a consortium? If you’re referring to the legal definition of consortium, then…no. I’m not married. Why? Do you know any single guys who like Vegas?

    And thanks for the tip. I’m gonna offer Global TWO red paperclips AND A GREEN ONE. And possibly a blue one, but that would be as far as I’d go.

  5. Allan
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 10:47 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    TWO bucks ?!
    Where are you getting that kind of money from, Vig?
    Have you formed a consortium?

    My offer has already been emailed to CTVGlobeMedia.
    And, for your eyes only, I’m already at work on another deal that involves a red paperclip and Global.

  6. Fake Ouimet
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 10:24 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece
  7. Fake Ouimet
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 10:21 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I found a news item that said the Corpse had been offered the stations but said no. Now, can I find it again? Lemme rummage around a bit here. I’™m pretty sure it was on the Link Farm™.

  8. Vigilante
    Posted April 25, 2009 at 8:44 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Ahem. Mr. Fecan, I think you can do better than that. I’m prepared to offer you two dollars for each of your stations.

    And I’ll even cover closing costs.

    (*Scoop*)


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