Job Opening: Director, Digital Media, CBC News

Here’s your chance to waste time online by joining CBC as the Director, Digital Media, CBC News.

CBC News is looking for an experienced sycophant ready to take on the challenge of managing CBC News’ online brand. If you have what it takes to lead the strategic planning, development, and delivery of CBC’s editorial content on all its digital applications, then we’re interested in hearing from you, so we can waste your time, take your ideas, and then pretend you don’t exist.

With zero accountability, you will take ownership of the CBC News’ online brand and will have responsibility yet no authority for charting the overall strategic direction for CBC News’ digital media unit, setting the wrong priorities, and overseeing the successful execution of staff.

What you might do:

-Managing the CBC News brand, news and content in on (sic) its digital applications
-Leading and distracting the operations of CBC News’ digital media unit
-Ensuring quantity of content across all CBC News’ web and mobile units
-Providing journalistic leadership for the unit by making staff cuts
-Developing and executing both long and short term staff for the unit in harmony with the Stursburg plans of CBC News as a whole
-Establishing a mandate for the development of advertorial programming and products on CBC’s digital applications
-Ensures content and revenue strategies are in sync with CBC digital sales managers
-Ensures that the human resources of the unit are deployed in a manner that maximizes the unit’s effectiveness while ignoring the applicable collective agreement(s),
-Developing industry partnerships with leaders in digital technology and content with the aim of wasting the impact of CBC News’ digital programming
-Ignores news gathering, TV and Radio management to avoid cooperation and alignment across all platforms
-Determining how to best squander finite financial resources to meet the key objectives of the unit
-Collaborates with the CBC design team to ensure the lack of design and usability of all CBC web and mobile outlets.

What we hope you bring:

-Proven experience in effectively leading and managing an internet News team towards the fulfillment of a common goal (You have run a blog)
-Proven experience in developing a strategic plan and successfully executing that plan is not necessary
-Significant work experience in digital media and specifically in creating internet News content (Have you made the front page of Digg?)
-Significant knowledge of and experience with current and emerging broadcast and digital technologies, along with demonstrated knowledge of the Internet business model (I.e. Do you have a Twitter account?)
-Comprehensive knowledge of Web traffic metrics and research (Can you round up?)
-Strong knowledge of the technology tools of the trade (Dreamweaver?)
-Knowledge of TV and / or Radio (Do you even watch/listen to CBC?)
-Proven track record of continually upgrading one’s knowledge and skills to keep current (Do you attend lame ass conferences?)
-Demonstrated ability to manage complex projects effectively not required
-Superior leadership skills, especially in the disciplines of communication, problem solving, and decision making are optional
-Proven ability to get things done in a dynamic, multi-facetted, and complex environment would be foreign here
-Proven Journalism experience (do you spell check your blog?)

We recognize the importance of a diverse workforce and we therefore encourage applications from Aboriginal Peoples, women, members of a visible minority and persons with a disability. In the end however we intend to just hire another old white guy who will toss Stursburg’s salad.

The CBC is committed to equity in employment and programming, except when it comes to our digital initiatives.

We thank applicants for their interest, however, only those selected for an interview will be contacted. Even then we only plan to give these people hope enough so we can tap their ideas and then hire some geezer who knows shit.

So go fuck yourself.


  1. Johnny Happypants
    Posted December 14, 2008 at 3:54 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    When I was 35 I used to get all my information from the internet too. But now that I’ve turned 36 I find myself reading newspapers, listening to the radio, and watching TV, especially shows like Matlock.

    I agree streaming audio and podcasts should be part of the core service, but the rest of .ca—from the Rye-High grads rewriting the wire service stories to “retired” print journalists reviewing movies—is pretty much outside the corporation’s mandate. The current diversion of funds is probably a type of fraud.

  2. Anonymous
    Posted December 12, 2008 at 9:57 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Anonymous 8:05 12/10, put in for early retirement.
    Almost everyone under 35 gets their news from the web.
    The CBC was smart enough to get in the game before the beancounters at the privates even thought of doing it and that’s why CBC is ahead of everyone.

    Christian Science Monitor is giving up its dead tree edition. The New York Times say it will probably do that in a couple of years. The BBC online service is the now the main service for the World Service.

    Streaming and podcasting can reach a larger and more diverse audience for both video and audio. is the core service if the CBC is going to survive. It should get a lot more money and support,not less.

  3. Anonymous
    Posted December 12, 2008 at 4:49 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    You forgot to include:

    ‘Demoralize everyone around you be by acting condescending and dismissive’, and,

    ‘Overcompensating for your lack of knowledge, talent and self esteem with the use of mental and emotional abuse towards your staff…’.

  4. Anonymous
    Posted December 12, 2008 at 8:04 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    What is this juicy info Bill Brioulx claims to be sitting on?

  5. Kev
    Posted December 11, 2008 at 9:26 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Whatever, 8.05pm. The budget in general is a fraction of the other media lines’, and it consistently performs well in its market.

  6. Anonymous
    Posted December 11, 2008 at 8:35 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Great stuff…but you forgot to add one thing.

    This is a temporary position,expected to last only until the delivery of the federal budget in Jan. 09.

    Hubert,I hope you are reading this.

  7. Anonymous
    Posted December 10, 2008 at 6:05 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Online news is a waste of resources. We’re not even meeting our mandate in Radio and Television.

    We’ve consistently robbed core services to pay for new ones.

  8. Anonymous
    Posted December 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    AHA AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I was thinking it all, but YOU wrote it my friend!!

  9. Fake Ouimet
    Posted December 10, 2008 at 2:24 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Should you be interested, here is the original job posting.

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