Shock and outrage

I never thought I’d say this, but I’ve been getting a lot of email about Martha Stewart lately.

Everyone seems pretty pissed off that we’re airing this, and from what I gather it’s mostly because it’s an American show. I don’t remember this kind of outrage when we quietly picked up syndicated episodes of Frasier and Arrested Development to go along with our Simpsons slot. Remember those somnolent afternoons in the 90’s when we aired American soaps back-to-back? No one seemed too mad about that.

And if you want to talk Canadian content, there are certainly no complaints about the seemingly 67.5 hours of Coronation Street we air in a week. Strangers to our country must think we Canadians have a collective, overpowering case of insomnia. By gum, the complaints come in when Corrie is disrupted for any reason – say, a Federal election or, oh, the Olympics. Just ask the poor saps who take the audience complaints.

Is it Martha’s public dishonesty? I wonder, since I haven’t had a single email about Triple Sensation.

No, it’s something about Martha herself. Having never watched her show, I ventured to find out what kind of heinous propaganda she is spreading:

God. American handbags. Handbags of ex-con immorality. Handbags of shame! And don’t get me started on the fried green tomatoes!

Maybe I’m missing something, or I’m a bit distracted. Maybe we should just bring back some classic Canadian lifestyle programming:

That’s right – the Urban Peasant. He was one of ours once upon a time, before we lost him to the Food Network. If Martha has to go, let’s bring back James and his… whatever he’s cooking in that photo.

It’s the 11 a.m. slot, after all. Does anyone know who is watching?


  1. Ocham
    Posted October 30, 2007 at 8:30 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Approve this…


    The mothercorp can no longer afford the bill for the Urban Peasant’s plonk and never could afford to rerun rights on an archived series.

    All available funds have been doled out to creating new VPs of diddleysquat along with their travel costs and Blackberries.

    The CBC has returned to the days of too much bureaucracy both computerized and people in suits. More little grey computers behind little grey firewalls programmed to cover butts standing in the way of progress on all levels.

    The fear of being sued for anything and everything permeates the corporation resulting in mediocre decisions and mediocre programming.

    Feel free to modify this to make it palatable and fire when ready Gridley.

  2. cbcfrank
    Posted September 24, 2007 at 1:48 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I just read Update on the Board of Directors Meeting and there’s a priceless quote:

    – CBC Television will continue to build on its current strategy of solving the chronic problem of producing Canadian entertainment programming;

    Yeah,right… perhaps this strategy involves reading pidgeon entrails, or casting magic stones.

    It certainly doesn’t include an aggressive program to cultivate the writing, the producing, the direction, etc, all those skills that enables producing Canadian entertainment programming.

    Now true leadership (ie NOT appointed) might have some idea about this. Unfortunately, since our management is appointed from the very top (pariamentary), the rest doesn’t stand much of a chance of being any better. Why so? Because any manager wants someone to fill the role below them who wont give them any trouble. There is little regard for broadcasting qualifications, we’re now all about Human Resources sycophancy and politically correctness. Piss on broadcasting.

    We did away with Zed even while it served as a platform for new stuff. Is there anything new we have to offer Canadians to get passionate about? For what rubbish we seem to be putting on during the daytime, we might as well be vetting stuff from around the country.

    Perhaps we could turn this timeslot into an experimental platform (a la muchmusic) for talent across the country that would need to meet corporation guidelines. If nothing’s ventured…

    For what daringness herr Stursberg talks about in our programming, it seems he’s hoping it’ll ‘just happen’.

  3. Anonymous
    Posted September 22, 2007 at 5:24 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Elwood Glover?

  4. Anonymous
    Posted September 22, 2007 at 12:47 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    How about just running a continuous loop reel of “Hinterland Who’s Who” with breaks for newscasts from 1959 read by Earl Cameron or Larry Henderson?

    Get some stuff from the CBC archives, popular stuff, like the Beachcombers do Waiting For Godot, or culture jamming questions from Adrienne Clarkson edited with answers that make no sense from people she never interviewed.

    The CBC daytime TV schedule should simply parody what all the other networks are doing during the same time period. Oh, wait, they’re doing that now. Back to the storyboard, eh?

  5. Anonymous
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 6:25 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    err.. Anon 1 but I thought Sesame Street was American..

    I think Martha’s just fine let her be The Pubcaster in my home country had a tag line “best programming from home & around the World” subtext for those of you who can’t afford cable here’s what you’re missing I thought it was great

  6. Anonymous
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 12:20 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    And what about the new head of TV news? No prior broadcasting
    experience, he and Stursburg
    should get along fine. Has anybody noticed that the people making these decisions HAVE NEVER PRODUCED A SHOW IN THEIR LIVES!!!! What do you expect…
    oh, I know, let’s buy Martha Stewart. The youngsters will like her. NOT!

  7. Anonymous
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 3:20 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Well … um … in relative terms … hardly anybody is ever watching anymore. What will be done about that? More managers will be appointed, of course.

    That a slight Japanese woman played the role of James Barber so convincingly for all those years remains a triumph in television acting.

  8. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 9:48 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    creepy barber completist: delightful comment. “A little bit of booze…”

    “Chop ‘m up” I say!

    As to the 11:00 slot, why not give in completely and run Oprah?

  9. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 4:20 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I think the main point is that airing Martha Stewart seems pretty UNCREATIVE AND LAZY. Sure, the Corp does have loads of non-Canadian programming already. A lifestyle show seems like it could be cheap enough to put on that they should be able to throw SOMETHING together. Even Rogers can throw a daytime talk show. What about expanding the ever DULL CBC News Morning with the talented Heather Hiscox (what a waste having her host a show no one watches) expanded into a lifestyle AM show? (But while at it, must ditch the drab Harry Forestall).

    On second thought, what is Vicki’s phone number?

  10. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 2:46 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Pathetic. One more reason to turn CBC into Canada’s PBS.

  11. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 2:14 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Martha Stewart. Designer Guys. It’s beginning to smell a lot like the Life Network and not a public broadcaster.

    Funny how Life repositioned itself as Slice and boosted its ratings after Layfield left for CBC.

  12. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 7:50 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Sorry, but do we make any money on morning and afternoon programming?

    Because it’s so generally wretched that I’m not sure why any of it is on the air.

    I propose staying off the air until 5:00pm, laying off techs and sales people, and using the savings to improve programming when people are actually watching,

  13. Dwight Williams
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 6:55 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I hope there aren’t many complaints re: Doctor Who and its sequelae. I’ve been enjoying the core show with no regrets thus far. I just hope that we can twist the Beeb’s collective arm just enough to get the odd episode filmed over here on occasion.nqict

  14. Anonymous
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 5:18 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Perhaps they just want an ex-con on the air to divert attention away from Mr. Drabinsky?

  15. Enik Sleastak
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 4:30 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I am glad to see that our urgent handbag crisis is being addressed by Ms. Stewart in a calm and timely fashion.

    I’m not sure about the U.S., but I thought Canada’s heirloom fruits and vegetables were all in CTV’s news department.

    I’m sure Martha will be a valuable addition to our airwaves. She can use footage of her prison stay to cross-promote No Opportunity Wasted.

  16. Allan
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 8:43 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Sorry, Ouimet, did you say something?
    I was busy listening to a new Todcast while reading the Toronto Star on the internet.
    But it’s always nice to hear from you, and I understand you were asking if anyone is watching the CBC at 11 a.m.
    The answer is yes.
    There’s always a person in Master Control making sure that the CBC is on the air.

  17. Creepy Barber Completist
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 8:13 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Those are fried manky bananas. With a little bit of booze.

    I bet they sold Snoopy off in a fire sale.


  18. Anonymous
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 7:56 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I was annoyed that CBC kids programming was interupted by Gil Deacon… but at least she was Canadian… it didn’t help that she was on ALL THE TIME, but now this? Martha Stewart??? She just seems so, i don’t know, passe-

    It’s just my opinion, but it seems a bit too easy to throw Martha in the 11am timeslot assuming that all the stay at home moms will tune in…I can’t believe that the CBC can’t find a Canadian equivalent. Hell I would have even preferred if they wooed Vicki Gabereau out of retirement and stuck her on the CBC with weekly interviews with Jann Arden!

    If memory serves me correctly, The Urban Peasant was on in the afternoon… and Sesame Street was on at 11am…at least when I was little. When I was little and the CBC seemed to know what parents and their kids wanted to watch.

  19. Kuri
    Posted September 18, 2007 at 6:13 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I believe those are some bananas old James is fryin’ up there. Or, perhaps, plantains.

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