Guest blogger: Fox unveils its cabinet of curiosities for the fall season

Guest blogging today is Andrew Ryan, who cross-posts from the Globe and Mail’s L.A. Diary.
Enjoy.
~O

Fox unveils its cabinet of curiosities for the fall season

BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF. — Never let it be said there is no range in American television. The Fox Network began the other day with doughnuts and ended on its classiest act – an Englishman, of course. In the TV world, that’s diversity.

Next came the first of Fox’s big fall experiments: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Fox is waiting until midseason to launch its expensive TV version of The Terminator, which picks up where the second movie left off. There are more pyrotechnics in the pilot episode than in an entire season of 24.And you bet there were questions regarding the likelihood of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger appearing on the show, since he was the Terminator, after all. “We’ve talked about it,” claimed producer James Middleton, “but the reality is that as Governor, he’s incredibly busy. As a star, he’s incredibly expensive. We don’t know. We just don’t know.”

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!”

  • And you bet there were questions regarding the likelihood of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger appearing on the show, since he was the Terminator, after all. “We’ve talked about it,” claimed producer James Middleton, “but the reality is that as Governor, he’s incredibly busy. As a star, he’s incredibly expensive. We don’t know. We just don’t know.” Translation: Don’t wait for it.

What? i have to write more?

“This is the opportunity to live out my dream!” declared Jones, who wore a cleavage-enhancing top and a micro-miniskirt for her coming out with the mainstream press. Tall, blond and waxy, she looked a little unreal.

John Doyle returns in August.
jaryan@globeandmail.com

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous
    Posted July 27, 2007 at 4:04 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    from Linkname: Poynter Online – Romenesko
    http://poynter.org/column.asp?id=45

    Link that you currently have selected

    Linkname: TV execs treat critics the way Bush treats WH reporters
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2007/07
    /21/DI2007072100921.html

  2. Allan
    Posted July 25, 2007 at 4:58 pm | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    It’s heartening to be reminded that not all Canadians are as dim-witted as the ones who employ Ryan and Doyle.
    I had thought Ouimet and I were alone in viewing these charlatans as silly and sub-standard.
    The Globe’s loyalty to this Laurel and Hardy team shows the paper is not all that serious about public service or even good writing.
    And while we’re there, the glee Christine Blatchford gets from covering horrible, depressing crimes long ago became a broken record, and so odd to see such an imbalance of ink devoted to her tales of local misery in a national paper.

  3. Anonymous
    Posted July 25, 2007 at 10:12 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    That’s so cruel.

    The man can’t help it. He doesn’t have Globe techs, unlike CBC techs at his beck and call.

    And this may be his first remote blog. Next year he will write badder.

    See Melanie McFarland’s TV critic’s blog in the Seattle paper, much better.

    As for Canadian content, there is none. CTV, Global, CBC have already done their announcments, the latter with George Ssomething as host and Layfield as a feature or something.

    The U.S. Networks could host all over the U.S. and longer over the summer, but both sides have decided on one week for big 3, cable, satellite. Unfortunately we miss the more popular Spanish and Oriental TV season announcements, but such is English-language imperialism.

  4. Anonymous
    Posted July 25, 2007 at 7:39 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Tee hee.

    I see they’ve cleaned up some of his blank spaces, but the fonts are still wonky, and the last three paragraphs are duplicates.

    And I love the one comment to his latest entry:

    Alan Morris from Trawna, Canada writes: I can’t believe you get paid for this …

  5. AlanTdot
    Posted July 25, 2007 at 7:26 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    I can’t believe that;

    A) The Globe and Mail lets that crap get posted.

    B) Mr Ryan gets paid a salary.

    C) I actually read something in the ol’Glob and Maul.

  6. Anonymous
    Posted July 25, 2007 at 7:07 am | # | Reply to this masterpiece

    Did you see this comment on Ryan’s site?

    ted Whittall from vancouver, Canada writes: It seems that every year there is reporting from LA about the selling of the new American television season and the excess and comedy that comes with that particular three ring circus. All of it, frankly, rather dull, in comparison to what is happening in Canada. Here, the networks are changing the way they make dramatic television in a radical way, and it is going largely unnoticed in the media. Why? Are we as a country, and you as a national media outlet, still so hypnotized by the Hollywood selling machine that we refuse to imagine even the possibility of an interesting story here at home? Or is it just easier to go down there and be spoon fed our by-lines, thoughts, and mythology.


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