The Tea Makers

NOW WITH SOLUTION

For a fun diversion as we head into a long, hot summer of pogey, “blockbuster” Hollywood movies, and high-UV-index Saturdays pretending to give a shit about Toronto FC, take the Tea Makers’ fun new KanKonKwiz™!
(First in a series!)

Can you spot the distinctive, legal-mandate-conformant CBC Television series hidden in plain sight in this omnibus list of brand-new “Canadian” programming, compiled from press releases from CBC and Canada’s valued private broadcasters?

1. Ford Models Supermodel of the World Canada
2. Great Canadian Bio-Series
3. Ice Pilots NWT
4. Canada’s Super Speller
5. Pow-wow’s Playhouse
6. Innovators of Music
7. Leaders of Lieder
8. Bloodsport: Opera
9. Photo Xplorers
10. Star Portraits
11. Anna & Kristina’s Style Bag
12. The Cupcake Girls
13. Of Kiwis and Men
14. L’Oréal Paris Presents Spitting L’Image Canada
15. Re-Vamped
16. The Jane Show
17. How to Marry a Millionaire
18. Battle of the Blades
19. Over the Bolts
20. Junk Raiders
21. Johnny Knoxville’s Jackass: The Series Canada
22. Peak Season
23. Crash & Burn
24. The Half-Hour News Parody Hour
25. Angel on Campus
26. Baxter
27. The Republic of Doyle
28. Meet Phil Fitz
29. The Bougons
30. The Ron James Show
31. Eat Your Heart Out, Adrienne Clarkson
32. Stella and Sam
33. Justin Time
34. Sanctuary
35. Traders: The Musical
36. Bloodletting
37. All Families Are Psychotic
38. Homeroom Vampire
39. Love Among the Tar Sands
40. Fakers
41. Harlequin Presents The Kilting Bee: The Colin & Justin Story
42. Phantom
43. 18 to Life
44. The Pillars of the Earth
45. The Foundation
46. Living in Your Car
47. My Other Car Is a Prius
48. Straighten Out Your Life with Mark Tewksbury
49. My Rona Home
50. The Basement Design Department
51. Holmes Inspection
52. Conviction Kitchen
53. Realtor vs. Realtor

Answers!

Well, I see nobody gave a shit.

The new CBC shows are Ron James, Battle of the Blades, Canada’s Super Speller, 18 to Life, and The Republic of Doyle (AKA “Not Charlie Jade”).

The list included a number of ringers I made up. You should have spotted at least one or two, but nobody would have gotten all of them. This theory will remain untested.

1. My Other Car Is a Prius
   (as surely any Riverdale-semi-owning CBC manager’s wife’s must be)
2. L’Oréal Paris Presents Spitting L’Image Canada
   (après Project Runway Canada avec Iman, le déluge?)
3. Leaders of Lieder
   (ahhhts programming)
4. Bloodsport: Opera
   (Repo: The Genetic Opera half-assedly cloned 1996–CITY-TV/Canadian style)
5. Straighten Out Your Life with Mark Tewkesbury
   (who’s already doing Newsworld segments)
6. The Bougons
   (from Les Bougon, one of those actually funny Radio-Canada series that tightassed, PC Fort Dork pretends doesn’t exist and isn’t worth remaking in English)
7. The Basement Design Department
   (which got dismantled)
8. Love Among the Tar Sands
   (AKA Son of Wild Roses)
9. How to Marry a Millionaire
   (please: a gimme)
10. Eat Your Heart Out, Adrienne Clarkson
    (hommage to Her Excellency the Sashimïst General)
11. Homeroom Vampire
    (YTV-style tween comedy)
12. Traders: The Musical
    (could it work?)
13. Of Kiwis and Men
    (calque of Des kiwis et des hommes)
14. All Families Are Psychotic
    (après jPod, le déluge?)
15. Harlequin Presents The Kilting Bee: The Colin & Justin Story
    (they really are on book covers; plus they’re reputedly hung like horses)
16. Pow-wow’s Playhouse
    (Cowboy Curtis’s aboriginal reconciliation)